thoughts on love
I am way Nautious. Not sure if I am still hungover (I thought I was over it), or if it is Brett. Ugh.
So this is my theory about love. Either I have never really felt what it is (which I doubt because I know what i felt was genuine love), or that love is not permanent. Which makes perfect sense to me.
Nothing in this world is permanent. The only constant is death, which is only constant because is always guarenteed to happen, and even then it is not permanent because death gives way to life. Why should love be an exception?
And I am ok with this. If I can wake up one morning and realize that I fell out of love with someone, that is ok. Or at least it should be. But we put too much emphasis on this thing called love, which I think, make it seem not as goo as we thought it to be cracked up to be.
So it should be ok for people to be divorced and grow apart. What isn't ok is when it has to be hateful or when you are not honest. Then you are just hurting people intentionally. But I don't think we have controll over who we love and have feelings for, and you can't make someone else feel the same way about you. The game is about finding a match and going with it as long as it lasts. But people change, and this is a good thing, so it is only natural that our love can change too.
I know this probably makes people sad, and it isn't very romantic of me, but I look at this in a very positive way. I think it makes love more accessible and more enjoyable. It doesn't make me lose hope that i will find someone. but it does take the pressure off. It happens when it happens and there may not be "the one" but a series of "the ones" that fit into certain parts of your life and make it wonderful.
Maybe I am just the type of person who doesn't liek to get attatched to people for various psychological reasons, so this is my way of justifying keeping people at arms length in my own quirky ways. So be it. But it doesn't bother me anymore if I never get married or if I get married multiple times.
All I care about is that I lead an honest life. I will always be honest to whomever is in my life, and that is all i can give thm. If we fall in love, the we have love, but if I fall out of love, all I can say is that I was always honest, and i never lied. That should be enough.
Sure, no one wants to be lonely. I am convinced that the way the universe works, there is always soemone to fill the void if you just let them. Like a vacuum. If you live your life right and honest, and just go with the flow of things and not against them, things work ou. Not because there is a high power or being, but because the laws of nature dictate it. That is what life is all about. It isn't easy, but it works.Or at least I would like to think so.
2005-01-01 | 11:35 p.m.